OH BOY!!!

I'm not even sure how to begin this post.... Generally I have cute pictures and snappy comments, but today my heart is so full of love and gratitude that finding words that could even begin to express my feelings is proving difficult. Yesterday we went in for my 20 week ultrasound. I was a nervous wreck. It's the fourth time I've been through this, but the excitement and anticipation never diminishes. I decided this time I wanted all my boys to be there for the appointment (which I scheduled for 9 in the morning....crazy idea since Jason had a training to teach that morning which left me to get the boys and myself ready and out the door, yeah, I don't do mornings. But we made it.) Jason met us there and we all went into the little room together to see the new little life that will soon be joining our family. I have had 2 ultrasounds prior to this one and from those everything looked great, but I was still so worried that something may be wrong. As the technician checked every part of our baby, everything looked perfect. Two arms and legs, 10 fingers and toes, a heart that beat a beautiful 136 beats per minute, a wonderful little brain and spinal column. So much relief and thankfulness was felt with each thing that checked out.
Then it was time to check the gender. Our little baby was being a bit shy and I was worried we weren't going to find out. But after some poking and prodding by the tech she got the baby to uncross those tiny little legs. Cheers erupted from the 3 boys and 1 very proud man who surrounded me as the technician said, "Well boys, looks like you'll be getting another brother."
I won't deny the moment of disappointment I felt at finding out my last child would be another boy and not the little girl I had hoped for. I refuse to beat myself up over feeling that moment of disappointment. I had always thought I would have a little girl. And finding out I won't was difficult. The sadness however was quickly overshadowed by such a profound feeling of joy, wonder and humble gratitude. I looked at the sweet faces of my 3 sons who are here with me now and knew that I am beyond blessed to be their mother. They are the very best part of me. Nothing I'll ever do in this life will ever in my eyes have warranted the gift I've been given by my Father in Heaven to be their guardian, their protector, their teacher, their mother. And to have the opportunity to bring another of Heavenly Father's chosen spirits into this world is truly an honor. To have another son to raise in righteousness humbles me immensely. My children are my inspiration, my light when I won't let myself see through the darkness, and my everlasting encouragement. And of course, then I saw Jason. One would have been hard pressed to find a more jubilant man in all the world. 4 sons, what father could be happier? I think he may have literally walked on air as we left the office.
When we got home he hugged me gently and asked if I was all right. I told him of course I am! I'm having a beautiful baby boy! And he's healthy and perfect. Then I cried. I would blame it on the hormones, the lack of sleep or a hundred other things, but Jason knew me better. Because he's wonderful he let me have my moment and just rubbed my back. Then he said, "Now don't go spend too much at the store." I laughed.
The Lord has blessed me beyond anything I deserve. To be surrounded by righteous honorable men is every girl's dream come true, and such is my life. I believe Heavenly Father knows us better than we know ourselves and loves us beyond our understanding. These are the reasons I give to how I can possibly be so blessed. I am so thrilled for my son's arrival in October. I cannot wait to see his face, hold him in arms and experience the feelings of embracing a spirit straight from heaven.